Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of February, 2006

My godda bless, never I see sucha people. --...
My godda bless, never I see sucha people. -- Signor Piozzi, quoted by Cecilia Thrale

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from...
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. -- Rich Kulawiec

Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it.
Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it.

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.: The act,...
Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. --...

Cecil, you're my final hope Of finding out the true Straight...
Cecil, you're my final hope Of finding out the true Straight Dope For I have been reading of Schrodinger's cat But none of my cats are at all like that. This unusual animal (so it is said) Is simultaneously alive and dead! What I don't understand is just...

HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! -- E. E...
HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! -- E. E. CUMMINGS

I went on to test the program in every way I could devise...
I went on to test the program in every way I could devise. I strained it to expose its weaknesses. I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold. I ran it assuming the superfluid currents...

Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat? A: ...
Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat? A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.

The shortest distance between two points is under...
The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito