Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of June, 2007

Come, you spirits That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex...
Come, you spirits That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here, And fill me, from the crown to the toe, top-full Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood, Stop up the access and passage to remorse That no compunctious visiting of nature Shake my fell...

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

Margaret, are you grieving Over Goldengrove unleaving? Leaves,...
Margaret, are you grieving Over Goldengrove unleaving? Leaves, like the things of man, You, with your fresh thoughts Care for, can you? Ah! as the heart grows older It will come to such sights colder By and by, nor spare a sigh Though worlds of wanwood...

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin,...
"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

In America today ... we have Woody Allen, whose humor...
In America today ... we have Woody Allen, whose humor has become so sophisticated that nobody gets it any more except Mia Farrow. All those who think Mia Farrow should go back to making movies where the devil gets her pregnant and Woody Allen should...

The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog: The Great Bald Swamp...
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog: The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he...

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well...
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. -- Anatole France

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of...
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will...
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.