Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of November, 2011

Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master...
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.

If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes...
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics...

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have...
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. -- Pope John Paul I

If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western...
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. -- Stanley Garn

If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will...
If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.

If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you...
If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be be expected to throw another party next year. What you should...

LAZY: Marrying a pregnant woman.
LAZY: Marrying a pregnant woman.

Reinhart was never his mother's favorite -- and he was an only...
Reinhart was never his mother's favorite -- and he was an only child. -- Thomas Berger

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your...
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"

Reach into the thoughts of friends, And find they do not know...
Reach into the thoughts of friends, And find they do not know your name. Squeeze the teddy bear too tight, And watch the feathers burst the seams. Touch the stained glass with your cheek, And feel its chill upon your blood. Hold a candle to...