Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2012

A nudist resort at Benares Took a midget in all unawares...
A nudist resort at Benares Took a midget in all unawares. But he made members weep For he just couldn't keep His nose out of private affairs.

There was a young fellow named Pell Who didn't like cunt very...
There was a young fellow named Pell Who didn't like cunt very well. He would finger or fuck one, But never would suck one-- He just couldn't get used to the smell.

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness...
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.

A good reputation is more valuable than money...
A good reputation is more valuable than money. -- Publilius Syrus

A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.

If you see an onion ring -- answer it!
If you see an onion ring -- answer it!

Money cannot buy The fuel of love but is excellent...
Money cannot buy The fuel of love but is excellent kindling. To the man-in-the-street, who, I'm sorry to say, Is a keen observer of life, The word intellectual suggests right away A man who's untrue to his wife. -- W.H. Auden,...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty...
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen

Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.
Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.