Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of July, 2012

Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let...
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.

Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent...
Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent. -- Walt Kelly

Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.

I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because...
I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled...

The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group...
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill...
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.

Why be a man when you can be a success? --...
Why be a man when you can be a success? -- Bertolt Brecht

A dolly in Dallas named Alice, Whose overworked sex is...
A dolly in Dallas named Alice, Whose overworked sex is all callous, Wore the foreskin away On uncircumcised Ray, Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.

A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture...
A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture by seven Lascivious beasts (Oh, those Anglican priests) And such is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Each night Father fills me with dread When he sits on the foot...
Each night Father fills me with dread When he sits on the foot of my bed; I'd not mind that he speaks In gibbers and squeaks, But for the seventeen years he's been dead. -- Edward Gorey