Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of September, 2012

There was a young man from Purdue Who was only just learning...
There was a young man from Purdue Who was only just learning to screw, But he hadn't the knack, And he got too far back -- In the right church, but in the wrong pew.

Your mind is the part of you that says, ...
Your mind is the part of you that says, "Why'n'tcha eat that piece of cake?" ... and then, twenty minutes later, says, "Y'know, if I were you, I wouldn't have done that!" -- Steven and Ondrea Levine

AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in...
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.

You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine!
A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine!

Life is a healthy respect for mother nature laced with greed.
Life is a healthy respect for mother nature laced with greed.

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn...
Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. -- Garrison Keillor

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I...
Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

The best way to accelerate a Macintoy is at 9.8 meters...
The best way to accelerate a Macintoy is at 9.8 meters per second, squared.