Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2014

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to...
There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to her kidney. But the man from Quebec Put it up to her neck; He had a big one, now didn't he?

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".
"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".

"I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes...
"I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?"

As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't...
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? -- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"