Humor: Monday March 3, 2014 - Best of Fortunes Motd - Message of the Day
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Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday March 3, 2014


There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

A gift was delivered to Laura From a cousin who lived...
A gift was delivered to Laura From a cousin who lived in Gomorrah; Wrapped in tissue and crepe, It was peeled, like a grape, And emitted a pale, greenish aura. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably...
If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.

Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last...
Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last words, when asked by police who had shot him 14 times with a machine gun in the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.

Review Questions (1) If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts...
Review Questions (1) If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH, and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before he exceeds the speed of light? How long will it be before the Galactic Patrol picks...

This is the story of the bee Whose sex is very hard to see...
This is the story of the bee Whose sex is very hard to see You cannot tell the he from the she But she can tell, and so can he The little bee is never still She has no time to take the pill And that is why, in times like these There are so many sons...

Under the wide and starry sky, Dig my grave and let...
Under the wide and starry sky, Dig my grave and let me lie, Glad did I live and gladly die, And laid me down with a will, And this be the verse that you grave for me, Here he lies where he longed to be, Home is the sailor home from the sea, And...

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