Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2017

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

A chap down in Oklahoma Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, ...
A chap down in Oklahoma Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, But the sweetness of pitch Couldn't put off the hitch Of impotence, size and aroma.

There was a young Jew of Far Rockaway Whose screams could...
There was a young Jew of Far Rockaway Whose screams could be heard for a block away. Perceiving his error, The Rabbi in terror Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

The boy stood on the burning deck, Eating peanuts by...
The boy stood on the burning deck, Eating peanuts by the peck. His father called him, but he could not go, For he loved those peanuts so.

2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S...
2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?

Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will...
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))

Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix...
Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will...

OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.