Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday May 8, 2017

Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will...
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))

A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on...
A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on a molehill. A curious mole Nosed into her hole -- Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.

A pretty young maiden from France Decided she'd "just take...
A pretty young maiden from France Decided she'd "just take a chance." She let herself go For an hour or so, And now all her sisters are aunts.

A princess who lived near a bog Met a prince in the form of...
A princess who lived near a bog Met a prince in the form of a frog. Now she and her prince Are the parents of quints, Four boys and one fine polliwog.

A reckless young lady of France Had no qualms about taking...
A reckless young lady of France Had no qualms about taking a chance, But she thought it was crude To get screwed in the nude, So she always went home with damp pants.

A remarkable race are the Persians; They have such peculiar...
A remarkable race are the Persians; They have such peculiar diversions. They make love the whole day In the usual way And save up the nights for perversions.

A responsive young girl from the East In bed was an able...
A responsive young girl from the East In bed was an able artiste. She had learned two positions From family physicians, And ten more from the old parish priest.

There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young...
There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. As they knelt on the hassock He lifted his cassock And slipped his episcopal worm in 'em.

There was a young lady from Dumfries Who said to her boyfriend,...
There was a young lady from Dumfries Who said to her boyfriend, "It's some freeze! My navel's all bare, So stick it in there, Before both my legs and my bum freeze."