Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday July 25, 2018

A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; ...
A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction And died of constriction Attempting a Moebius strip. -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"

A computer called Illiac4 Had a rather tough bug in its core...
A computer called Illiac4 Had a rather tough bug in its core. It chewed up its cards And spewed yards and yards Of illegible tape on the floor.

A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply,...
A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. -- Gigo

A delighted, incredulous bride Remarked to her groom at...
A delighted, incredulous bride Remarked to her groom at her side : "I never could quite Believe till tonight Our anatomies would coincide."

A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura...
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura of menace. To make people afraid He wore gloves of grey suede And white footgear intended for tennis. -- Edward Gorey, "Amphigorey"

A hacker who screwed a mag tape Was caught and convicted...
A hacker who screwed a mag tape Was caught and convicted of rape. To jail he did go, From which, to his woe He couldn't get out with ESC.

A lad of the brainier kind Had erogenous zones in his mind...
A lad of the brainier kind Had erogenous zones in his mind. He got his sensations, By solving equations, (Of course, in the end, he went blind.)

A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room...
A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, with which, and to whom.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man of Khartoum Who lured a poor girl to...
There was a young man of Khartoum Who lured a poor girl to her doom. He not only fucked her, But buggered and sucked her-- And left her to pay for the room.