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Sep 5, 2015

I was the best I ever had. -- Woody Allen
I was the best I ever had. -- Woody Allen

"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell...
"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific". -- Steven Wright

"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked...
"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen? He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but...

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads...
"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums." -- Steven Wright

I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in...
I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate, "Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do...


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