Daily Fortunes Mar 17, 2016 - motd.ambians.com Motd - Message of the Day
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Mar 17, 2016

I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went...
I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway. I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park...
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright

I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast...
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance. -- Steven Wright

"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn...
"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn. By accident I put the car key in the door lock. The house started up. So I figured what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times. I thought I should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell...

I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said,...
I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness." She said, "How...


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