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Daily Fortunes

Feb 10, 2017

Microwaves frizz your heir.
Microwaves frizz your heir.

My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw...
My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids,...

My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you...
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you. -- Iphicrates

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if...
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx

My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always...
My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always called me Elwood) "Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." For years I tried smart. I recommend pleasant. -- Elwood P. Dowde, "Harvey"


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