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Daily Fortunes

Jul 7, 2017

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make...
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. -- Groucho Marx

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone...
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. -- Steven Wright

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little...
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back...
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright

"I said I hope it is a good party," said...
"I said I hope it is a good party," said Galder, loudly. "AT THE MOMENT IT IS," said Death levelly. "I THINK IT MIGHT GO DOWNHILL VERY QUICKLY AT MIDNIGHT." "Why?" "THAT'S WHEN THEY THINK I'LL...


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