|Freebsd Fortunes: 1241 of 3566|
Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical
lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach
your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.
Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in
pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force,
but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an
important electrical lesson.
It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed
your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small
objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will
attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and
collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your
friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the
carpet, thus completing the circuit.
Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without
touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your
finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1242 of 3566|
"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
-- Jay Leno
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1243 of 3566|
"He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ..."
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1244 of 3566|
He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be
there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1245 of 3566|
"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1246 of 3566|
Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs,
then they'd be algorithms.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1247 of 3566|
"Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
-- W. C. Fields
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1248 of 3566|
"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.
As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of
equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney.
Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever walk around? If so, you
probably have the makings of an excellent legal case. Although of
course every case is different, I would definitely say that based on my
experience and training, there's no reason why you shouldn't come out
of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser.
"Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
motto is: 'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'"
-- Dave Barry, "Pain and Suffering"
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1249 of 3566|
Hi there! This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person
reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes,
nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1250 of 3566|
Hier liegt ein Mann ganz ohnegleich;
Im Leibe dick, an Suenden reich.
Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt, Here lies a man with sundry flaws
Weil es uns duenkt er sei verreckt. And numerous Sins upon his head;
We buried him today because
As far as we can tell, he's dead.
-- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty
Sue Bach and written by the local doggerel catcher;
"The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter