Freebsd Fortunes
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Freebsd Fortunes

Fortune: 401 - 410 of 3566 from Freebsd Fortunes

Freebsd Fortunes:  401 of 3566

"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
                -- David Letterman
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  402 of 3566

An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  403 of 3566

An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  404 of 3566

An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree
murder.  "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuffing his lover's
mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border.
Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand sticking out of the
suitcase.  Now, I would like to stress that my client is *not* a
murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe..."
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  405 of 3566

An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you
really care to know.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  406 of 3566

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  407 of 3566

An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  408 of 3566

An English judge, growing weary of the barrister's long-winded
summation, leaned over the bench and remarked, "I've heard your
arguments, Sir Geoffrey, and I'm none the wiser!"  Sir Geoffrey
responded, "That may be, Milord, but at least you're better informed!"
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  409 of 3566

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
                -- A. P. Herbert
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  410 of 3566

An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch.  He
wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is
advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and
Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine.  The advertisements are written in
incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote
excellence:

"The Rolex Hyperion.  An elegant new standard in quality excellence and
discriminating handcraftsmanship.  For the individual who is truly able
to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting
things by hand.  Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold.  No watch
parts or anything.  Just a great big chunk on your wrist.  Truly a
timeless statement.  For the individual who is very secure.  Who
doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful.
Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high
school.  Because of his acne.  People who are probably nowhere near as
successful as he is now.  Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and
they'll see his Rolex Hyperion.  Hahahahahahahahaha."
                -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
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