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Aug 19, 2017
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Fortune: 761 - 770 of 3566 from Freebsd Fortunes

Freebsd Fortunes:  761 of 3566

Dave Mack:      "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn:    "Yours is."
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  762 of 3566

Dawn, n.:
        The time when men of reason go to bed.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  763 of 3566

Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  764 of 3566

DCL-E-MEMBAD, bad memory
-SYSTEM-F-VMSPDGERS, pudding between the ears
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  765 of 3566

Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve.  Success is also
easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.  Work hard to
improve.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  766 of 3566

Dear Lord:
        I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
the other hand", again.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  767 of 3566

Dear Miss Manners:
        My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
        For the purpose of answering examinations in your home
economics class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this
principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now
than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners
believes that is.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  768 of 3566

Dear Miss Manners:
        Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from
your face.

Gentle Reader:
        Please list some decent ways of acquiring a man's saliva on
your face ...
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  769 of 3566

Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, "Part
of this complete breakfast".  The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old
will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a
commercial for a children's compressed breakfast compound such as
"Froot Loops" or "Lucky Charms", and they always show it sitting on a
table next to some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always
says: "Part of this complete breakfast".  Don't that really mean,
"Adjacent to this complete breakfast", or "On the same table as this
complete breakfast"?  And couldn't they make essentially the same claim
if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream there, or a
dead bat?

Answer: Yes.
                -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  770 of 3566

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?

Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business
signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a
word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
ANY ITEM'S.  Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when
creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put
quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT
DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
                -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
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