Freebsd Fortunes 2
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Apr 27, 2017
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Freebsd Fortunes 2

Fortune: 1 - 10 of 1371 from Freebsd Fortunes 2

Freebsd Fortunes 2:  1 of 1371

=======================================================================
||                                                                   ||
|| The FORTUNE-COOKIE program is soon to be a Major Motion Picture!  ||
||         Watch for it at a theater near you next summer!           ||
||                                                                   ||
=======================================================================
        Francis Ford Coppola presents a George Lucas Production:
                        "Fortune Cookie"
        Directed by Steven Spielberg.
        Starring  Harrison Ford  Bette Midler  Marlon Brando
                  Christopher Reeves  Marilyn Chambers
                  and Bob Hope as "The Waiter".
        Costumes Designed by Pierre Cardin.
        Special Effects by Timothy Leary.
        Read the Warner paperback!
        Invoke the Unix program!
        Soundtrack on XTC Records.
        In 70mm and Dolby Stereo at selected theaters and terminal
                centers.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  2 of 1371

                                                PLAYGIRL, Inc.
                                                Philadelphia, Pa.  19369
Dear Sir:
        Your name has been submitted to us with your photo.  I regret to
inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold.  On
a scale of one to ten, your body was rated a minus two by a panel of women
ranging in age from 60 to 75 years.  We tried to assemble a panel in the
age bracket of 25 to 35 years, but we could not get them to stop laughing
long enough to reach a decision.  Should the taste of the American woman
ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appropriate
in our magazine, you will be notified by this office.  Please, don't call
us.
        Sympathetically,
        Amanda L. Smith

p.s.    We also want to commend you for your unusual pose.  Were you
        wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  3 of 1371

                        _-^--^=-_
                   _.-^^          -~_
                _--                  --_
               <                        >)
               |                         |
                ._                   _./
                   ```--. . , ; .--'''
                         | |   |
                      .-=||  | |=-.
                      `-=#$%&%$#=-'
                         | ;  :|
                _____.,-#%&$@%#&#~,._____
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  4 of 1371

                                FROM THE DESK OF
                                Dorothy Gale

        Auntie Em:
                Hate you.
                Hate Kansas.
                Taking the dog.
                        Dorothy
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  5 of 1371

                                FROM THE DESK OF
                                Rapunzel

Dear Prince:

        Use ladder tonight --
        you're splitting my ends.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  6 of 1371

                                SEMINAR ANNOUNCEMENT

Title:          Are Frogs Turing Compatible?
Speaker:        Don "The Lion" Knuth

                                ABSTRACT
        Several researchers at the University of Louisiana have been studying
the computing power of various amphibians, frogs in particular.  The problem
of frog computability has become a critical issue that ranges across all areas
of computer science.  It has been shown that anything computable by an amphi-
bian community in a fixed-size pond is computable by a frog in the same-size
pond -- that is to say, frogs are Pond-space complete.  We will show that
there is a log-space, polywog-time reduction from any Turing machine program
to a frog.  We will suggest these represent a proper subset of frog-computable
functions.
        This is not just a let's-see-how-far-those-frogs-can-jump seminar.
This is only for hardcore amphibian-computation people and their colleagues.
        Refreshments will be served.  Music will be played.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  7 of 1371

                                UNIX Trix

For those of you in the reseller business, here is a helpful tip that will
save your support staff a few hours of precious time.  Before you send your
next machine out to an untrained client, change the permissions on /etc/passwd
to 666 and make sure there is a copy somewhere on the disk.  Now when they
forget the root password, you can easily login as an ordinary user and correct
the damage.  Having a bootable tape (for larger machines) is not a bad idea
either.  If you need some help, give us a call.

                -- CommUNIXque 1:1, ASCAR Business Systems
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  8 of 1371

                         ___====-_  _-====___
                  _--~~~#####// '  ` \#####~~~--_
                -~##########// (    ) \##########~-_
               -############//  |^^/|  \############-
             _~############//   (O||O)   \############~_
            ~#############((     \//     ))#############~
           -###############\    (oo)    //###############-
          -#################\  / `'   //#################-
         -###################\/  ()  //###################-
        _#/|##########/\######(  (())  )######/\##########|\#_
        |/ |#/\#/\#//  \#/\##|  ()/  |##/\#/  /\#/\#/\#| |
        `  |/  V  V  `   V  )||  |()|  ||(  V   '  V /  |  '
           `   `  `      `  / |  |()|  |   '      '<||>  '
                           (  |  |()|  |  )        /|/
                          __ |__|()|__| /________/|/
                         (vvv(vvvv)(vvvv)vvv)______|/
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  9 of 1371

                        DELETE A FORTUNE!
Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!
Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system?
You can!  Just mail to `fortune' with the fortune you hate most,
and we'll make sure it gets expunged.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  10 of 1371

                        It's grad exam time...
COMPUTER SCIENCE
        Inside your desk you'll find a listing of the DEC/VMS operating
system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert
this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system.  Prove that these fixes are
bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the
new system.  (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)

MATHEMATICS
        If X equals PI times R^2, construct a formula showing how long
it would take a fire ant to drill a hole through a dill pickle, if the
length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe the Universe.  Give three examples.
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