Freebsd Fortunes 3
fortune: 1731 - 1740 of 2182 from freebsd fortunes 3
Motd - Message of the Day
Humor, Quotes, Proverbs, Aphorisms... Ji Funda Jo Hai  
Daily Fortunes Feed Subscribe - Daily Fortunes - motd.ambians.com
Daily fortunes for your site
Aug 23, 2017
Motd Home     Daily Fortunes     Best of Fortunes     Worst of Fortunes

Freebsd Fortunes 3

Fortune: 1731 - 1740 of 2182 from Freebsd Fortunes 3

Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1731 of 2182

Fortune's nomination for All-Time Champion and Protector of Youthful Morals
goes to Representative Clare E. Hoffman of Michigan.  During an impassioned
House debate over a proposed bill to "expand oyster and clam research," a
sharp-eared informant transcribed the following exchange between our hero
and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.

Dingell: "There are places in the world at the present time where we are
          having to artificially propagate oysters and clams."
Hoffman: "You mean the oysters I buy are not nature's oysters?"
Dingell: "They may or may not be natural.  The simple fact of the matter is
          that female oysters through their living habits cast out large
          amounts of seed and the male oysters cast out large amounts of
          fertilization."
Hoffman: "Wait a minute!  I do not want to go into that.  There are many
          teenagers who read The Congressional Record."
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1732 of 2182

FORTUNE'S PARTY TIPS: #14

        Tired of finding that other people are helping themselves to
your good liquor at BYOB parties?  Take along a candle, which you insert
and light after you've opened the bottle.  No one ever expects anything
drinkable to be in a bottle which has a candle stuck in its neck.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1733 of 2182

Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars: #2

Given the incredible advances in sociocybernetics and telepsychology over
the last few years, we are now able to completely understand everything that
the author of an memo is trying to say.  Thanks to modern developments
in electrocommunications like notes, vnews, and electricity, we have an
incredible level of interunderstanding the likes of which civilization has
never known.  Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's
memo is practically nil.  Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having
done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly.  If you *do* understand
the memo in question, but have absolutely nothing of substance to say, then
you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack.  In fact,
the only *inappropriate* times for an ad hominem attack are as follows:

        1: When you agree completely with the author of an memo.
        2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are.
        3: When replying to one of your own memos.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1734 of 2182

FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #2

        Never goose a wolverine.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1735 of 2182

FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #23

        Don't cut off a police car when making an illegal U-turn.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1736 of 2182

Forty isn't old, if you're a tree.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1737 of 2182

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
                -- Inventory
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1738 of 2182

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Not So Deep as a Well"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1739 of 2182

Four fifths of the perjury in the world is expended on
tombstones, women and competitors.
                -- Lord Thomas Dewar
 
Freebsd Fortunes 3:  1740 of 2182

Four hours to bury the cat?
Yes, damn thing wouldn't keep still, kept mucking about, 'owling...
« Prev Random Freebsd Fortunes 3   Next »
« Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44  45  46  47  48  49  50  51  52  53  54  55  56  57  58  59  60  61  62  63  64  65  66  67  68  69  70  71  72  73  74  75  76  77  78  79  80  81  82  83  84  85  86  87  88  89  90  91  92  93  94  95  96  97  98  99  100  101  102  103  104  105  106  107  108  109  110  111  112  113  114  115  116  117  118  119  120  121  122  123  124  125  126  127  128  129  130  131  132  133  134  135  136  137  138  139  140  141  142  143  144  145  146  147  148  149  150  151  152  153  154  155  156  157  158  159  160  161  162  163  164  165  166  167  168  169  170  171  172  173  174  175  176  177  178  179  180  181  182  183  184  185  186  187  188  189  190  191  192  193  194  195  196  197  198  199  200  201  202  203  204  205  206  207  208  209  210  211  212  213  214  215  216  217  218  219  Next »
Search [help]

About  |  Contact Us  |  Terms of Use  |  Privacy & Disclosure
FreeBsd Quotes  |  Linux Quotes