Freebsd Fortunes 3

Have you ever felt like a wounded cow
halfway between an oven and a pasture?
walking in a trance toward a pregnant
        seventeen-year-old housewife's
        two-day-old cookbook?
                -- Richard Brautigan

Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?

Well, I haven't.  I find that whenever a woman becomes friends with me,
she becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damn nuisance; and
whenever I become friends with a woman, I become selfish and tyrannical.
So here I am, Pickering, a confirmed old bachelor and very likely to
remain so.
                -- Henry Higgins, "My Fair Lady"

Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying
to tell you `there's a time for work and a time for play'
never find the time for play?

Have you flogged your kid today?

Have you locked your file cabinet?

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy,
vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?

Have you seen the latest Japanese camera?  Apparently it is so fast it can
photograph an American with his mouth shut!

Have you seen the old man in the closed down market,
Kicking up the papers in his worn out shoes?
In his eyes you see no pride, hands hang loosely at his side
Yesterdays papers, telling yesterdays news.

How can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you the sun don't shine?
Let me take you by the hand
Lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something to make you change your mind...

Have you seen the old man outside the sea-mans mission
Memories fading like the metal ribbons that he wears.
In our winter city the rain cries a little pity
For one more forgotten hero and a world that doesn't care...

Have you seen the well-to-do, up and down Park Avenue?
On that famous thoroughfare, with their noses in the air,
High hats and Arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars,
Spending every dime, for a wonderful time...
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to,
Why don't you go where fashion sits,
...
Dressed up like a million dollar trooper,
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper, (super dooper)
Come, let's mix where Rockefeller's walk with sticks,
Or umbrellas, in their mitts,
Puttin' on the Ritz.
...
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to,
Why don't you go where fashion sits,
Puttin' on the Ritz.
Puttin' on the Ritz.
Puttin' on the Ritz.
Puttin' on the Ritz.

Having a baby isn't so bad.  If you're a female Emperor penguin
in the Antarctic.  She lays the egg, rolls it over to the father,
then takes off for warmer weather where she eats and eats and
eats.  For two months, the father stands stiff, without food,
blind in the 24-hour dark, balancing the egg on his feet.  After
the little penguin is hatched, the mother sees fit to come home.
                -- L.M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman"