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Chism's Law of Completion:
The amount of time required to complete a government project is
precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
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Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
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Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as
a friend if she were a man.
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Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!
She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
And we begged her not to go.
But she'd forgot her medication, When we found her Christmas morning,
And she staggered through the door At the scene of the attack.
out in the snow. She had hoofprints on her forehead,
And incriminating claus-marks on her
Now we're all so proud of Grandpa, back.
He's been taking this so well.
See him in there watching football. I've warned all my friends and
Drinking beer and playing cards neighbors,
with cousin Mel. Better watch out for yourselves!
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and
plays with elves!
-- Elmo and Patsy, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
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Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him.
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Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found
difficult and not tried.
-- G.K. Chesterton
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Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
-- George Bernard Shaw
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Christmas time is here, by Golly; Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens;
Disapproval would be folly; Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens;
Deck the halls with hunks of holly; Even though the prospect sickens,
Fill the cup and don't say when... Brother, here we go again.
On Christmas day, you can't get sore; Relations sparing no expense'll,
Your fellow man you must adore; Send some useless old utensil,
There's time to rob him all the more, Or a matching pen and pencil,
The other three hundred and sixty-four! Just the thing I need... how nice.
It doesn't matter how sincere Hark The Herald-Tribune sings,
It is, nor how heartfelt the spirit; Advertising wondrous things.
Sentiment will not endear it; God Rest Ye Merry Merchants,
What's important is... the price. May you make the Yuletide pay.
Angels We Have Heard On High,
Let the raucous sleighbells jingle; Tell us to go out and buy.
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle, Sooooo...
Driving his reindeer across the sky,
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!
-- Tom Lehrer
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Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.