|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 851 of 2182|
One whose program will not run.
-- Robb Russon
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 852 of 2182|
curtation n. The enforced compression of a string in the fixed-length field
The problem of fitting extremely variable-length strings such as names,
addresses, and item descriptions into fixed-length records is no trivial
matter. Neglect of the subtle art of curtation has probably alienated more
people than any other aspect of data processing. You order Mozart's "Don
Giovanni" from your record club, and they invoice you $24.95 for MOZ DONG.
The witless mapping of the sublime onto the ridiculous! Equally puzzling is
the curtation that produces the same eight characters, THE BEST, whether you
order "The Best of Wagner", "The Best of Schubert", or "The Best of the Turds".
Similarly, wine lovers buying from computerized wineries twirl their glasses,
check their delivery notes, and inform their friends, "A rather innocent,
possibly overtruncated CAB SAUV 69 TAL." The squeezing of fruit into 10
columns has yielded such memorable obscenities as COX OR PIP. The examples
cited are real, and the curtational methodology which produced them is still
MOZ DONG n.
Curtation of Don Giovanni by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Lorenzo da
Ponte, as performed by the computerized billing ensemble of the Internat'l
Preview Society, Great Neck (sic), N.Y.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 853 of 2182|
Custer committed Siouxicide.
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 854 of 2182|
Cut a man's hand when you fight him. He'll freeze, fascinated by the sight
of his own blood. That's when you stick him in the throat.
-- Gerry Youghkins
If you look rather casual with the knife when you flick it open, people
don't like it.
-- Gerry Youghkins
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 855 of 2182|
Cutler Webster's Law:
There are two sides to every argument, unless a person
is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 856 of 2182|
Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It
eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-- Johnny Hart
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 857 of 2182|
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 858 of 2182|
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 859 of 2182|
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are,
not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the
Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
-- Ambrose Bierce
|Freebsd Fortunes 3: 860 of 2182|
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.
-- Jack Handey