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Lank: Here we go. We're about to set a new record.
Earl: (to the crowd) How about a date?
Lank: We've done it. Earl has set a new record. Turned down by
-- Lank and Earl
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Lansdale seized on the idea of using Nixon to build support for the
[Vietnamese] elections ... really honest elections, this time. "Oh, sure,
honest, yes, that's right," Nixon said, "so long as you win!" With that
he winked, drove his elbow into Lansdale's arm and slapped his own knee.
-- Richard Nixon, quoted in "Sideshow" by W. Shawcross
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Large increases in cost with questionable increases in
performance can be tolerated only in race horses and women.
-- Lord Kalvin
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Largest Number of Driving Test Failures
By April 1970 Mrs. Miriam Hargrave had failed her test thirty-nine
times. In the eight preceding years she had received two hundred and
twelve driving lessons at a cost of L300. She set the new record while
driving triumphantly through a set of red traffic lights in Wakefield,
Yorkshire. Disappointingly, she passed at the fortieth attempt (3 August
1970) but eight years later she showed some of her old magic when she was
reported as saying that she still didn't like doing right-hand turns.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
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All laws are basically false.
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Failed death ray.
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Last guys don't finish nice.
-- Stanley Kelley, on the cult of victory at all costs
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Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up
the pillow was gone.
-- Tommy Cooper
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Last night I met upon the stair
A little man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
Gee how I wish he'd go away!
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Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera had a flash....
The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
-- Stephen Wright