Freebsd Fortunes 4

I thought there was something fishy about the butler.  Probably a Pisces,
working for scale.
                -- Firesign Theatre, "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger"

I thought YOU silenced the guard!

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."
One of them said, "So will you."
                -- Rodney Dangerfield

I took a course in speed reading, learning to read straight down the middle
of the page, and I was able to go through "War and Peace" in twenty minutes.
It's about Russia.
                -- Woody Allen

I treasure this strange combination found in very few persons: a fierce
desire for life as well as a lucid perception of the ultimate futility of
the quest.
                -- Madeleine Gobeil

I truly wish I could be a great surgeon or philosopher or author or anything
constructive, but in all honesty I'd rather turn up my amplifier full blast
and drown myself in the noise.
                -- Charles Schmid, the "Tucson Murderer"

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.
                -- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.
                -- Bill Veeck

I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.
                -- Judge Harold T. Stone

I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out.
The weatherman said "I don't understand it.  I was supposed to be 80
degrees today," and I said "Oops."

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so
I never have to go upstairs.

I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in
front of it in only eight minutes.
                -- Stephen Wright