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HERE'S A GOOD JOKE to do during an earthquake. Straddle a big crack in
the earth and if it opens wider, go, "Whoa! Whoa!" and flap your arms
around as if you're going to fall.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
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Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery.'
-- Jay Leno
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Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
* Governmental offices
* Post offices
* Parts of Palm Beach
and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina.
-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
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He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.
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He's been like a father to me,
He's the only DJ you can get after three,
I'm an all-night musician in a rock and roll band,
And why he don't like me I don't understand.
-- The Byrds
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He's dead, Jim.
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He's got the heart of a little child,
and he keeps it in a jar on his desk.
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He's just a politician trying to save both his faces...
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He's just like Capistrano, always ready for a few swallows.
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He's like a function -- he returns a value, in the form of
his opinion. It's up to you to cast it into a void or not.
-- Phil Lapsley