Freebsd Fortunes 5

MAGPIE:
        A bird whose thievish disposition suggested
        to someone that it might be taught to talk.
                -- A. Bierce

MAIDEN AUNT:
        A girl who never had the sense to say "uncle."

Maiden, n:
        A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and
        views that madden to crime.  The genus has a wide geographical
        distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found.
        The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye, nor (without her
        piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though in respect to
        comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with regard to
        the part of her that is audible, beaten out of the field by the
        canary -- which, also, is more portable.

Male, n:
        A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.  The male of the
        human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man.  The genus
        has two varieties:  good providers and bad providers.
                -- Ambrose Bierce

Maier's Law:
        If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
                -- N.R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960

Corollaries:
        1.  The bigger the theory, the better.
        2.  The experiment may be considered a success if no more than
            50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to
            obtain a correspondence with the theory.

Main's Law:
        For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Maintainer's Motto:
        If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.

Maj. Bloodnok:  Seagoon, you're a coward!
Seagoon:        Only in the holiday season.
Maj. Bloodnok:  Ah, another Noel Coward!

Major premise:
        Sixty men can do sixty times as much work as one man.
Minor premise:
        A man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds.
Conclusion:
        Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.

Secondary Conclusion:
        Do you realize how many holes there would be if people
        would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Majorities, of course, start with minorities.
                -- Robert Moses

MAJORITY:
        That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.