Freebsd Fortunes 5

QOTD:
        "I used to go to UCLA, but then my Dad got a job."

QOTD:
        "I used to jog, but the ice kept bouncing out of my glass."

QOTD:
        "I won't say he's untruthful, but his wife has to call the
        dog for dinner."

QOTD:
        "I'd never marry a woman who didn't like pizza.  I might play
        golf with her, but I wouldn't marry her."

QOTD:
        "If he learns from his mistakes, pretty soon he'll know everything."

QOTD:
        "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the aftershave."

QOTD:
        "If I'm what I eat, I'm a chocolate chip cookie."

QOTD:
        If it's too loud, you're too old.

QOTD:
        "If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it."

QOTD:
        If you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection.