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More people have died in Ted Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
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MORE SPORTS RESULTS:
The Beverly Hills Freudians tied the Chicago Rogerians 0-0 last Saturday
night. The match started with a long period of silence while the Freudians
waited for the Rogerians to free associate and the Rogerians waited for
the Freudians to say something they could paraphrase. The stalemate was
broken when the Freudians' best player took the offensive and interpreted
the Rogerians' silence as reflecting their anal-retentive personalities.
At this the Rogerians' star player said "I hear you saying you think we're
full of ka-ka." This started a fight and the match was called by officials.
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More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path
leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
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Morris had been down on his luck for months, and, though not a devoutly
religious man, had begun to visit the local synagogue to ask God's help.
One week, out of desperation, he prayed, "God, I've been a good and decent
man all my life. Would it be so terrible if You let me win the lottery
The despondent fellow returned week after week. One day, Morris,
nearly hopeless now, prayed, "God, I've never asked You for anything before.
I just want to win one little lottery."
"As he dejectedly rose to leave, God's voice boomed, "Morris, at
least meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket!"
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If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.
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Mos Eisley Spaceport; you'll not find a more
wretched collection of villainy and disreputable types...
-- Obi-wan Kenobi, "Star Wars"
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Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right.
If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
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The state bird of New Jersey.
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Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
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Most folks they like the daytime,
'cause they like to see the shining sun.
They're up in the morning,
off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun.
But when the sun goes down,
and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun.
Now there are two sides to this great big world,
and one of them is always night.
If you can take care of business in the sunshine, baby,
I guess you're gonna be all right.
Don't come looking for me to lend you a hand.
My eyes just can't stand the light.
'Cause I'm a night owl honey, sleep all day long.
-- Carly Simon