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Jan 23, 2019
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Fortune: 577 - 586 of 1371 from Freebsd Fortunes 2

Freebsd Fortunes 2:  577 of 1371

A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  578 of 1371

A couch is as good as a chair.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  579 of 1371

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
                -- B. Franklin
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  580 of 1371

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the
beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden.  Immediately,
one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods
like the proverbial bat out of hell, and hot on his heels ran the Game
Warden.  After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with
his hands on his thighs, whooping and heaving to catch his breath as the
Game Warden finally caught up to him.
        "Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped.  The
man pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing
license.
        "Well, son", snarled the Game Warden, "You must be about as dumb
as a box of rocks!  You didn't have to run if you have a license!"
        "Yes, sir," replied his victim, "but, well, see, my friend back
there, he don't have one!"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  581 of 1371

A cousin of mine once said about money,
money is always there but the pockets change;
it is not in the same pockets after a change,
and that is all there is to say about money.
                -- Gertrude Stein
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  582 of 1371

A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased
in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical, movable supports, one at
each corner.  The front end of the machine, or input, contains the cutting
and grinding mechanism, utilizing a unique feedback device.  Here also are
the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and a foghorn.
        At the rear, the machine carries the milk-dispensing equipment as
well as a built-in flyswatter and insect repeller.  The central portion
houses a hydro- chemical-conversion unit.  Briefly, this consists of four
fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network
of flexible plumbing.  This assembly also contains the central heating plant
complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main
ventilating system.  The waste disposal apparatus is located to the rear of
this central section.
        Cows are available fully-assembled in an assortment of sizes and
colors.  Production output ranges from 2 to 20 tons of milk per year.  In
brief, the main external visible features of the cow are:  two lookers, two
hookers, four stander-uppers, four hanger-downers, and a swishy-wishy.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  583 of 1371

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.
                -- Whitney Balliett
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  584 of 1371

A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels
qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic
in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  585 of 1371

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
                -- Edgar A. Shoaff
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  586 of 1371

A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
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