|Freebsd Fortunes: 1945 of 3566|
Loan-department manager: "There isn't any fine print. At these
interest rates, we don't need it."
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1946 of 3566|
Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the
only proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to
eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial
before they're cooked. The fact is, lobsters are among the most
ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime
in the reefs. Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its
unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of
the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout,
"Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a
memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe
at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot.
Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be,
-- "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and Utensils
into Excuses and Apologies"
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1947 of 3566|
Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1948 of 3566|
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *awful*.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1949 of 3566|
Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1950 of 3566|
Look out! Behind you!
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1951 of 3566|
Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us
to pay income taxes, too?
-- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1952 of 3566|
Loose bits sink chips.
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1953 of 3566|
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA,
|Freebsd Fortunes: 1954 of 3566|
Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.