Freebsd Limericks

There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
        One was even so brave
        As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

There once was a lady from Kansas
Whose cunt was as big as Bonanzas.
        It was nine inches deep
        And the sides were quite steep --
It had whiskers like General Carranza's.

There once was a lady named Carter,
Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
        She stripped off his pants,
        At his prick quickly glanced,
And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"

There once was a lady named Clair,
Who posessed a magnificent pair.
        Or that's what I thought,
        Till I saw one get caught,
On a thorn and begin losing air.

There once was a lady named Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle.
        She had crabs, so they say,
        In a year and a day
Which proved that that turtle was fertile.

There once was a lawyer named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex.
        Arraigned for exposure,
        He maintained with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."

        [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things.  Ed.]

There once was a lifeguard named Lee
Who rescued a girl from the sea
        She asked how to pay,
        And he said "Try this way,
Go down for the third time on me."

There once was a maid from Mobile
Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
        She only got thrills
        From pneumatic drills
And an off-centered emery wheel.

There once was a man from Bombay
He would do it all night and all day
        He soon became sore
        You shoulda' heard him roar
When his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay!

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who used to beat off in the gutta
        The heat of the sun
        Affected his gun
And turned all his cream into butta!