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Feb 20, 2018
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Fortune: 3407 - 3416 of 3566 from Freebsd Fortunes

Freebsd Fortunes:  3407 of 3566

Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3408 of 3566

Why does man kill?  He kills for food.  And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
                -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3409 of 3566

Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have
more lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3410 of 3566

Why don't elephants eat penguins ?

Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3411 of 3566

Why I Can't Go Out With You:

I'd LOVE to, but ...
        -- I have to floss my cat.
        -- I've dedicated my life to linguini.
        -- I need to spend more time with my blender.
        -- it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
        -- it's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish.
        -- I'm going downtown to try on some gloves.
        -- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
        -- I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
        -- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
        -- I have some really hard words to look up.
        -- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
        -- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3412 of 3566

"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
because we are not the person involved"
                -- Mark Twain
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3413 of 3566

Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3414 of 3566

"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?"
                -- Lily Tomlin
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3415 of 3566

"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
you knowing nothing?"
                -- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
 
Freebsd Fortunes:  3416 of 3566

Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your
children open their old-fashioned presents.

Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"

You:    "A spinning top!  You spin it around, and then eventually it
        falls down.  What fun!  Ha, ha!"

Son:    "Is this a joke?  Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer
        with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory,
        and I get this cretin TOP?"

Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad?  Look at this."

You:    "It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"

Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
                -- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
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