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The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
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The history of warfare is similarly subdivided, although here the phases
are Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy. Thus:
I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.
I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.
I'm going to kill my brother and then kill you on the
pretext that your brother did it.
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The Illiterati Programus Canto 1:
A program is a lot like a nose: Sometimes it runs, and
sometimes it blows.
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The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
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The Law of the Letter:
The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
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The few, the proud, the dead on the beach.
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The few, the proud, the not very bright.
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The Modelski Chain Rule:
(1) Look intently at the problem for several minutes. Scratch your
head at 20-30 second intervals. Try solving the problem on your
(2) Failing this, look around at the class. Select a particularly
(3) Procure a large chain.
(4) Walk over to the selected student and threaten to beat him severely
with the chain unless he gives you the answer to the problem.
Generally, he will. It may also be a good idea to give him a sound
thrashing anyway, just to show you mean business.
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The most dangerous organization in America today is:
(a) The KKK
(b) The American Nazi Partylove
(c) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club
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The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:
Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm,
Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate