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Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown
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Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next
time some housewife or boutique-owner-turned-diet-expert appears on TV
to plug her latest book. And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for
eating coffee cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself
the following questions:
(1) Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts a
(2) Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich
exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me?
(3) Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as
prescribed ... without French-fried onion rings, pizza with
double cheese, or the occasional Mai-Tai? (Remember, living
right doesn't really make you live longer, it just *seems* like
That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
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4 cups sugar 16 tbsp. milk
4 cups brown sugar 4 tsp. vanilla
4 cups shortening 14 cups flour
8 eggs 4 tsp. soda
4 cups peanut butter 4 tsp. salt
Shape dough into balls. Roll in sugar and bake on ungreased cookie
sheet at 375 F. for 10-12 minutes. Immediately top each cookie with a
Hershey's kiss or star pressing down firmly to crack cookie. Makes a
heck of a lot.
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Pete: Waiter, this meat is bad.
Waiter: Who told you?
Pete: A little swallow.
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Peter's hungry, time to eat lunch.
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Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today!
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Prunes give you a run for your money.
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Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer. Let it simmer. Meanwhile,
broil a good steak. Eat the steak. Let the chili simmer. Ignore it.
-- Recipe for chili from Allan Shrivers, former governor
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Put cats in the coffee and mice in the tea!
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Remember, DESSERT is spelled with two `s's while DESERT is spelled with
one, because EVERYONE wants two desserts, but NO ONE wants two deserts.
-- Miss Oglethorp, Gr. 5, PS. 59