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THE DAILY PLANET
SUPERMAN SAVES DESSERT!
Plans to "Eat it later"
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The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before.
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The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through
three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry, and
Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For
instance, the first phase is characterized by the question "How can we eat?"
the second by "Why do we eat?" and the third by "Where shall we have lunch?".
-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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The Kosher Dill was invented in 1723 by Joe Kosher and Sam Dill. It is
the single most popular pickle variety today, enjoyed throughout the free
world by man, woman and child alike. An astounding 350 billion kosher
dills are eaten each year, averaging out to almost 1/4 pickle per person
per day. New York Times food critic Mimi Sheraton says "The kosher dill
really changed my life. I used to enjoy eating McDonald's hamburgers and
drinking Iron City Lite, and then I encountered the kosher dill pickle.
I realized that there was far more to haute cuisine then I'd ever imagined.
And now, just look at me."
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The men sat sipping their tea in silence. After a while the klutz said,
"Life is like a bowl of sour cream."
"Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other. "Why?"
"How should I know? What am I, a philosopher?"
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The most exquisite peak in culinary art is conquered when you do right by a
ham, for a ham, in the very nature of the process it has undergone since last
it walked on its own feet, combines in its flavor the tang of smoky autumnal
woods, the maternal softness of earthy fields delivered of their crop children,
the wineyness of a late sun, the intimate kiss of fertilizing rain, and the
bite of fire. You must slice it thin, almost as thin as this page you hold
in your hands. The making of a ham dinner, like the making of a gentleman,
starts a long, long time before the event.
-- W.B. Courtney, "Reflections of Maryland Country Ham",
from "Congress Eate It Up"
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The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served
the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
-- Calvin Trillin
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"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
-- D. Letterman
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The number of feet in a yard is directly proportional to the success
of the barbecue.
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The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine
increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.