Fortune: 82 - 91 of 150 from Linux Kids
|Linux Kids: 82 of 150|
MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I
remember we'd all get into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and
drive and drive.
I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some bees there. The
smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we
played. I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad." We'd eat
some stuff or not and then I think we went home.
I guess some things never leave you.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
|Linux Kids: 83 of 150|
Microwaves frizz your heir.
|Linux Kids: 84 of 150|
My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms
to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well,
only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with
a bulls-eye on the back.
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them
said, "So will you."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
|Linux Kids: 85 of 150|
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
|Linux Kids: 86 of 150|
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
|Linux Kids: 87 of 150|
My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always called me Elwood)
"Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
For years I tried smart. I recommend pleasant.
-- Elwood P. Dowde, "Harvey"
|Linux Kids: 88 of 150|
My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"
-- Sue Murphy
|Linux Kids: 89 of 150|
My mother was a test tube; my father was a knife.
|Linux Kids: 90 of 150|
My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
|Linux Kids: 91 of 150|
My ritual differs slightly. What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I
hop into the shower stall. Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped
in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot
character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off
of while he showers. Then I hop right back into the stall because our dog,
Earnest, who has been alone in the basement all night building up powerful
dog emotions, has come bounding and quivering into the bathroom and wants
to greet me with 60 or 70 thousand playful nips, any one of which -- bear
in mind that I am naked and, without my contact lenses, essentially blind
-- could result in the kind of injury where you have to learn a whole new
part if you want to sing the "Messiah," if you get my drift. Then I hop
right back out, because Robert, with that uncanny sixth sense some children
have -- you cannot teach it; they either have it or they don't -- has chosen
exactly that moment to flush one of the toilets. Perhaps several of them.
-- Dave Barry