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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and
incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
-- Emo Philips
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The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great
scholars great men.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
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The Worst Bank Robbery
In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of
Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They
had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone,
sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of
robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded
5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it
was a practical joke.
Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor
clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got
trapped in the revolving doors again.
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The Worst Prison Guards
The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a
maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison,
near Lisbon in Portugal.
During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 the prison
warders had noticed that attendances had fallen at film shows which
included "The Great Escape", and also that 220 knives and a huge quantity
of electric cable had disappeared. A guard explained, "Yes, we were
planning to look for them, but never got around to it." The warders had
not, however, noticed the gaping holes in the wall because they were
"covered with posters". Nor did they detect any of the spades, chisels,
water hoses and electric drills amassed by the inmates in large quantities.
The night before the breakout one guard had noticed that of the 36
prisoners in his block only 13 were present. He said this was "normal"
because inmates sometimes missed roll-call or hid, but usually came back
the next morning.
"We only found out about the escape at 6:30 the next morning when
one of the prisoners told us," a warder said later. [...] When they
eventually checked, the prison guards found that exactly half of the gaol's
population was missing. By way of explanation the Justice Minister, Dr.
Santos Pais, claimed that the escape was "normal" and part of the
"legitimate desire of the prisoner to regain his liberty."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
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There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding
-- Harvey Wheeler
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There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.
-- Winston Churchill
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There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.
-- The Duke of Wellington
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There are only two things in this world that I am sure of, death and
taxes, and we just might do something about death one of these days.
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There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"
-- John Brunner, "The Shockwave Rider"
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There but for the grace of God, goes God.
-- Winston Churchill, speaking of Sir Stafford Cripps.