|Linux Sports: 38 of 147|
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish,
and he'll invite himself over for dinner.
-- Calvin Keegan
|Linux Sports: 39 of 147|
Give me a fish and I will eat today.
Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
|Linux Sports: 40 of 147|
Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
|Linux Sports: 41 of 147|
Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us
all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean famous for
its wild horses. I realize that the concept of wild horses probably stirs
romantic notions in many of you, but this is because you have never met any
wild horses in person. In person, they are like enormous hooved rats. They
amble up to your camp site, and their attitude is: "We're wild horses.
We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes.
We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon."
-- Dave Barry, "Tenting Grandpa Bob"
|Linux Sports: 42 of 147|
Sophomore Dave Strewzinski... likes to pass. And pass he does, with
a record 86 attempts (three completions) in 87 plays.... Though Strewzinksi
has so far failed to score any points for the Crimson, his jackrabbit speed
has made him the least sacked quarterback in the Ivy league.
The other directional signal in Harvard's offensive machine is senior
Phil Yip, who is very fast. Yip is so fast that he has set a record for being
fast. Expect to see Yip elude all pursuers and make it into the endzone five
or six times, his average for a game. Yip, nicknamed "fumblefingers" and "you
asshole" by his teammates, hopes to carry the ball with him at least one of
On the defensive side, Yale boasts the stingiest line in the Ivies.
Primarily responsible are seniors Izzy "Shylock" Bloomberg and Myron
Finklestein, the tightest ends in recent Eli history. Also contributing to
the powerful defense is junior tackle Angus MacWhirter, a Scotsman who rounds
out the offensive ethnic joke. Look for these three to shut down the opening
-- Harvard Lampoon 1988 Program Parody, distributed at The Game
|Linux Sports: 43 of 147|
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
-- W. C. Fields
|Linux Sports: 44 of 147|
How can you think and hit at the same time?
-- Yogi Berra
|Linux Sports: 45 of 147|
I always turn to the sports pages first, which record people's accomplishments.
The front page has nothing but man's failures.
-- Chief Justice Earl Warren
|Linux Sports: 46 of 147|
I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in
the world is fixed.
-- Frank Deford, sports writer
|Linux Sports: 47 of 147|
I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson