Freebsd Fortunes 2

        ...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither
does he hate it.  Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to
combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is
self-propagating.
                -- Umberto Eco, "The Name of the Rose"

        "Heard you were moving your piano, so I came over to help."
        "Thanks.  Got it upstairs already."
        "Do it alone?"
        "Nope.  Hitched the cat to it."
        "How would that help?"
        "Used a whip."

        "Hello, Mrs. Premise!"
        "Oh, hello, Mrs. Conclusion!  Busy day?"
        "Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat."
        "Four hours to bury a cat!?"
        "Yes, he wouldn't keep still: wrigglin' about, 'owlin'..."
        "Oh, it's not dead then."
        "Oh no, no, but it's not at all a well cat, and as we're
goin' away for a fortnight I thought I'd better bury it just to be
on the safe side."
        "Quite right.  You don't want to come back from Sorrento
to a dead cat, do you?"
                -- Monty Python

        Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month.
According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing
severe marketing anxiety in China.
        The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending
on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole".
        Bite the wax tadpole.
        There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
        The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard
to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax
tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare.  Not bad, but broad
satiric vistas do not open up.
                -- John Carrol, The San Francisco Chronicle

        Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled
with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John
Paul Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't
define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it.  So for a while, the
court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to
Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over.  "Nope, this isn't
it," he'd say.  "Bring some more."  This went on until one morning when
his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under an
enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a
ruling stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except
that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about
it because the court was going to take a nap.
                -- Dave Barry, "Pornography"

        "How did you spend the weekend?" asked the pretty brunette secretary
of her blonde companion.
        "Fishing through the ice," she replied.
        "Fishing through the ice?   Whatever for?"
        "Olives."

        "How many people work here?"
        "Oh, about half."

        How many seconds are there in a year?  If I tell you there  are
3.155  x  10^7, you won't even try to remember it.  On the other hand, who
could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury.
                -- Tom Duff, Bell Labs

        "How would I know if I believe in love at first sight?" the sexy
social climber said to her roommate.  "I mean, I've never seen a Porsche
full of money before."

        "How'd you get that flat?"
        "Ran over a bottle."
        "Didn't you see it?"
        "Damn kid had it under his coat."