Freebsd Fortunes 2

A friend is a present you give yourself.
                -- Robert Louis Stevenson

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture.  You don't have to go.
You'll just be walking down the street and...  Ooohh, that's much better.
                -- Steven Wright

A friend of mine won't get a divorce, because he hates
lawyers more than he hates his wife.

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.

A full belly makes a dull brain.
                -- Ben Franklin

                [and the local candy machine man.  Ed]

A 'full' life in my experience is usually full only of other
people's demands.

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine!

A gambler's biggest thrill is winning a bet.
His next biggest thrill is losing a bet.

A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist.  He explained
that he was entering a horse in a race the following week and the three
assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win.
They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they
each propose to ensure a win.  When they reconvened the gangster started with
the engineer:

Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?
Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle
          blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide
          electrical shock to the horse.
G:        That's very good!  But let's hear from the chemist.
Chemist:  I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that dissolves
          into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore
          cannot be detected in post-race tests.
G:        Excellent, excellent!  But I want to hear from the physicist before
          I decide what to do.  Physicist?

Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...

A gentleman is a man who wouldn't hit a lady with his hat on.
                -- Evan Esar
                [ And why not?  For why does she have his hat on?  Ed.]