Freebsd Fortunes 2

A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
                -- IEEE Grid newsmagazine

A programming language is low level
when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one wouldn't care to
drink with -- even if he drank.
                -- Mencken

A prominent broadcaster, on a big-game safari in Africa, was taken to a
watering hole where the life of the jungle could be observed. As he
looked down from his tree platform and described the scene into his
tape recorder, he saw two gnus grazing peacefully. So preoccupied were
they that they failed to observe the approach of a pride of lions led
by two magnificent specimens, obviously the leaders. The lions charged,
killed the gnus, and dragged them into the bushes where their feasting
could not be seen.  A little while later the two kings of the jungle
emerged and the radioman recorded on his tape: "Well, that's the end of
the gnus and here, once again, are the head lions."

A promiscuous person is usually someone who is
getting more sex than you are.
                -- Victor Lownes

A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female
by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness.
                -- Aristotle

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions
your wife asks you for nothing.
                -- Joey Adams

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.

A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
"you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if
the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants
to make a travesty of the game.
                -- Donald A. Metz

A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans
over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?"
        The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a
Bishop."
        "Well, could you get any higher than that?"
        "I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I
might be made an Archbishop."
        "Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
        "If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
        "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
        Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
        "And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
up from being the Pope?"
        "What?!  I should be the Messiah himself?!"
        The rabbi leaned back and smiled.  "One of our boys made it."