Freebsd Fortunes 3

Eli and Bessie went to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Bessie nudged Eli.
        "Please be so kindly and close the window.  It's cold outside!"
Half asleep, Eli murmured,
        "Nu ... so if I'll close the window, will it be warm outside?"

Elliptic paraboloids for sale.

Elliptical, n:
        The feel of a kiss.

Eloquence is logic on fire.

Elwood:  What kind of music do you get here ma'am?
Barmaid: Why, we get both kinds of music, Country and Western.

Emacs, n:
        A slow-moving parody of a text editor.

Emersons' Law of Contrariness:
        Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do
        what we can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them
        for it.

Encyclopedia for sale by father.
Son knows everything.

Encyclopedia Salesmen:
        Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
        and tell them your house is being burgled.
                -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Endless Loop: n.        see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n.       see Endless Loop.
                -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary