Freebsd Fortunes 4

Lack of money is the root of all evil.
                -- George Bernard Shaw

Lackland's Laws:
        1. Never be first.
        2. Never be last.
        3. Never volunteer for anything.

LACTOMANGULATION:
        Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that
        one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
                -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends

La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you
To tell you of something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday (which is good Friday),
There will be a convention held in the
Women's Club which is strictly for Men.
Admission is free, pay at the door,
Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor.
It was a summer's day in winter,
And the snow was raining fast,
As a barefoot boy with shoes on,
Stood sitting in the grass.
Oh, that bright day in the dead of night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Three blind men to see fair play,
Forty mutes to yell "Hooray"!
Back to back, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and arrested those two dead boys.

Ladies, here's a hint: If you're playing against a friend who has big
boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys.  That's
the hardest shot for the well endowed.  "I've got to hit over them or
under them, but I can't hit through," Annie Jones used to always moan
to me.  Not having much in my bra, I found it hard to sympathize with
her.
                -- Billie Jean King

Lady, lady, should you meet
One whose ways are all discreet,
One who murmurs that his wife
Is the lodestar of his life,
One who keeps assuring you
That he never was untrue,
Never loved another one...
Lady, lady, better run!
                -- Dorothy Parker, "Social Note"

Lady Luck brings added income today.
Lady friend takes it away tonight.

Lady Nancy Astor:
        "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill:
        "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Lady Astor was giving a costume ball and Winston Churchill asked her what
disguise she would recommend for him.  She replied, "Why don't you come
sober, Mr. Prime Minister?"

        During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet
luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served.  Returning for a second
helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?"
        "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for
white meat or dark meat."  Churchill apologized profusely.
        The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from
her guest of honor.  The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if
you would pin this on your white meat."

Ladybug, ladybug,
Look to your stern!
Your house is on fire,
Your children will burn!
So jump ye and sing, for
The very first time
The four lines above
Have been put into rhyme.
                -- Walt Kelly