Freebsd Fortunes 4: 415 of 2327 |
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
-- Mae West
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 416 of 2327 |
I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
-- Chauncey Depew
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 417 of 2327 |
I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
And think of the places my get-up has been.
-- Pete Seeger
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 418 of 2327 |
I give you the man who -- the man who -- uh, I forgets the man who?
-- Beauregard Bugleboy
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 419 of 2327 |
I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
-- H.L. Mencken
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 420 of 2327 |
I go the way that Providence dictates.
-- Adolf Hitler
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 421 of 2327 |
"I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I
pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?' He
said, 'Phoenix.' So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors
opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix. I looked
at him and said 'You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around
with.' We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert.
Then the phone rang. He said 'You get it.' I picked it up and said
'Hello?'... the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'... I said 'Yes...'
The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank...
It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the university you
attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we loaned you... we
would just like to know what happened to the money?' I said, 'Mr. Jones,
I'll give it to you straight. I gave all of the money to my friend Slick,
and with it he built a nuclear weapon... and I would appreciate it you never
called me again."
-- Stephen Wright
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 422 of 2327 |
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now
when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and
farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
-- Steven Wright
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 423 of 2327 |
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were
wearing masks for.
-- James Boren
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Freebsd Fortunes 4: 424 of 2327 |
I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add.
-- Steven Wright
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