Freebsd Fortunes 6

The Official Colorado State Vegetable is now the "state legislator".

The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:

        Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the
        Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director
        of Corporate Planning."

The Official MBA Handbook on doing company business on an airplane:

        Do not work openly on top-secret company cost documents unless
        you have previously ascertained that the passenger next to you
        is blind, a rock musician on mood-ameliorating drugs, or the
        unfortunate possessor of a forty-seventh chromosome.

The Official MBA Handbook on the use of sunlamps:

        Use a sunlamp only on weekends.  That way, if the office wise guy
        remarks on the sudden appearance of your tan, you can fabricate
        some story about a sun-stroked weekend at some island Shangri-La
        like Caneel Bay.  Nothing is more transparent than leaving the
        office at 11:45 on a Tuesday night, only to return an Aztec sun
        god at 8:15 the next morning.

The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds
is of course a shameful canard.  The key age has traditionally been
more like fourteen.
                -- Robert Christgau, "Esquire"

The old man had lived all his life in a little house on the Vermont side of the
New Hampshire-Vermont border.  One day, the surveyors came to inform him that
they had just discovered that he lived in New Hampshire, not Vermont.
        "Thank heavens!" was his heartfelt reply.  "I don't think I could have
taken another one of those damned Vermont winters!"

THE OLD POOL SHOOTER had won many a game in his life. But now it was time
to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing go the
floor.

"Sorry," he said with a smile.
                -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
Let the reader catch his own breath.
                -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart

The older I grow, the more I distrust the
familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
                -- H.L. Mencken