Freebsd Fortunes 7

Your Co-worker Could Be a Space Alien, Say Experts
                ...Here's How You Can Tell
Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human -- but you
can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They
listed 10 signs to watch for:
    #3. Bizarre sense of humor.  Space aliens who don't understand
        earthly humor may laugh during a company training film or tell
        jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.
    #6. Misuses everyday items.  "A space alien may use correction
        fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger.
    #8. Secretive about personal life-style and home.  "An alien won't
        discuss details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends."
   #10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain
        high-tech hardware.  "An alien may experience a mood change when
        a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.
The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not
all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.
                -- National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984.

        [I thought everybody laughed at company training films.  Ed.]

Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.

Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long,
dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being
attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last
minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the
Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.  We Americans live in a nation where the
medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe
25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in
seconds if we felt like it.
                -- Dave Barry, "Stay Fit & Healthy Until You're Dead"

Your domestic life may be harmonious.

Your education begins where what is called your education is over.

Your fault - core dumped

Your files are now being encrypted and thrown into the bit bucket.
EOF

Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

YOUR FOAMY FUTURE
        by Miss Fortune

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
        You have nothing better to think about than what to wear and what
type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party.  Just take beer!
Don't try to copy the "Joneses", pull them up to your level and remember, in
California Hoalloween is redundant anyhow.

PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
        Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall.  You find others are
fascinated by your intelligence, your wit, your drinking ability, and your
bank account.  Just make sure you realize it's far more impressive when
other discover your good qualities without your help.

YOUR FOAMY FUTURE
        by Miss Fortune

ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
        Matters are not good, where you health is concerned.  This Fall, be
sure to "walk groundly, talk profoundly, drink roundly, and sleep soundly"
and you will live all the days of your life.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
        You spent a fortune on beer this past summer and now find yourself
in a deep depression because you can't afford even one of your favorite
brewskis.  Don't fret too much, Taurus.  To get back on your feet simply
miss two car payments.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
        You think you're falling in love with a person who has a lot in
common with yourself.  You both prefer ales, you've both tried your hand
at homebrewing, and you both want to visit every new brewpub that opens.
Sounds impressive but remember you really don't know your partner until
you meet in court.