Freebsd Fortunes 2
fortune: 300 - 309 of 1371 from freebsd fortunes 2
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Freebsd Fortunes 2

Fortune: 300 - 309 of 1371 from Freebsd Fortunes 2

Freebsd Fortunes 2:  300 of 1371

        The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all
students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school gradu-
ation.
        Senator Orrin Hatch said that "capital punishment is our society's
recognition of the sanctity of human life."

        According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22,
1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm."  Their
"farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year.  But as a "family
farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.

        Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of
Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers."  You
probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.

        It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore.  Now it's "chrono-
logically experienced citizens."

        According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was
just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."
                -- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  301 of 1371

        "...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!"
        "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to
feel interested.
        "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little
vexed.  "That's what the name is called.  The name really is, 'The Aged
Aged Man.'"
        "Then I ought to have said "That's what the song is called'?"
Alice corrected herself.
        "No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing!  The song is
called 'Ways and Means':  but that's only what it is called you know!"
        "Well, what is the song then?" said Alice, who was by this
time completely bewildered.
        "I was coming to that," the Knight said.  "The song really is
"A-sitting on a Gate": and the tune's my own invention."
                --Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  302 of 1371

        The only real game in the world, I think, is baseball...
You've got to start way down, at the bottom, when you're six or seven years
old. You can't wait until you're fifteen or sixteen.  You've got to let it
grow up with you, and if you're successful and you try hard enough, you're
bound to come out on top, just like these boys have come to the top now.
                -- Babe Ruth, in his 1948 farewell speech at Yankee Stadium
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  303 of 1371

        The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
        A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
Turning the curve he waved his hand.  A sleek brown head, a seal's, far
out on the water, round.  Usurper.
                -- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  304 of 1371

        The problem with engineers is that they tend to cheat in order to
get results.
        The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
problems in order to get results
        The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at
toy problems in order to get results.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  305 of 1371

        The programmers of old were mysterious and profound.  We cannot fathom
their thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.
        Aware, like a fox crossing the water.  Alert, like a general on the
battlefield.  Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like uncarved
blocks of wood.  Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.
        Who can tell the secrets of their hearts and minds?
        The answer exists only in the Tao.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  306 of 1371

        The salesman and the system analyst took off to spend a weekend in the
forest, hunting bear.  They'd rented a cabin, and, when they got there, took
their backpacks off and put them inside.  At which point the salesman turned
to his friend, and said, "You unpack while I go and find us a bear."
        Puzzled, the analyst finished unpacking and then went and sat down
on the porch.  Soon he could hear rustling noises in the forest.  The noises
got nearer -- and louder -- and suddenly there was the salesman, running like
hell across the clearing toward the cabin, pursued by one of the largest and
most ferocious grizzly bears the analyst had ever seen.
        "Open the door!", screamed the salesman.
        The analyst whipped open the door, and the salesman ran to the door,
suddenly stopped, and stepped aside.  The bear, unable to stop, continued
through the door and into the cabin.  The salesman slammed the door closed
and grinned at his friend.  "Got him!", he exclaimed, "now, you skin this
one and I'll go rustle us up another!"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  307 of 1371

        The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average
Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement
of some pieces of wood.  Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet
reflection followed by sudden preventive action explains why they led the
field for many years in both chess and ax murders.  It is well known that as
early as 1970, the U.S.S.R., aware of what a defeat at Reykjavik would do to
national prestige, implemented a vigorous program of preparation and
incentive.  Every day for an entire year, a team of psychologists, chess
analysts and coaches met with the top three Russian grand masters and
threatened them with a pointy stick.  That these tactics proved fruitless
is now a part of chess history and a further testament to the American way,
which provides that if you want something badly enough, you can always go to
Iceland and get it from the Russians.
                -- Marshall Brickman, "Playboy"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  308 of 1371

        The Tao gave birth to machine language.  Machine language gave birth
to the assembler.
        The assembler gave birth to the compiler.  Now there are ten thousand
languages.
        Each language has its purpose, however humble.  Each language
expresses the Yin and Yang of software.  Each language has its place within
the Tao.
        But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  309 of 1371

        The way my jeweler explained it, it's like insurance.
        Six months' pay isn't much to keep my wife from sleeping around.

A diamond -- pure, sparkling, natural, flawless, forever.  The way marriage
should be but never quite is.  People grow and change and sometimes want to
take their clothes off with strangers.  So when you invest in a fine piece
of diamond jewelry, you're not only making an investment, you're making a
statement.  You're telling the woman you love that you've just spent a lot
of your hard-earned money on her.  Now she owes you the kind of loyalty that
only precious jewelry can buy.  Isn't she worth it?

        The Honeymoon's Over:                   from $ 5000
        The Seven Year Itch:                    from $10000
        No More Lunchtime Quickies:             from $15000
        Divorce Would Be More Expensive:        from $42000

                        A diamond is for leverage.  BeDears
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