Freebsd Limericks

There was a young woman called Pearl
Who quite resembled a churl;
        When she asked a young man named Tex
        Whether he would like to have sex,
"Certainly," quoth he, "Who's the girl?"

There was a young woman from Bude,
Who went for a swim in the nude,
        But a man in a punt,
        Grabbed at her elbow,
And said "Hey, lady, you can't swim here, it's private property."

There was a young woman in Dee
Who stayed with each man she did see.
        When it came to a test
        She wished to be best,
And practice makes perfect, you see.

There was a young woman named Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
        She said, "I do this
        From a great need to piss,
And not from sectarian malice."

There was a young woman named Ells
Who was subject to curious spells
        When got up very oddly,
        She'd cry out things ungodly
by the palms in expensive hotels.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young woman named Florence
Who for fucking professed an abhorrence,
        But they found her in bed
        With her cunt flaming red,
And her poodle-dog spending in torrents.

There was a young woman named Plunnery
Who rejoiced in the practice of gunnery.
        Till one day unobservant,
        She blew up a servant,
And was forced to retire to a nunnery.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young woman named Sutton
Who said, as she carved up the mutton,
        "My father preferred
        The last sheep in the herd --
This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

There was a young woman of Cheadle,
Who once gave the clap to a beadle.
        Said she, "Does it itch?"
        "It does, you damned bitch,
And it burns like hell-fire when I peedle."

There was a young woman of Condover
Whose husband had ceased to be fond of 'er.
        Her pussy was juicy,
        Her arse soft and goosey,
But peroxide had now made a blonde of 'er.