Linux Definitions

Compliment, n.:
        When you say something to another which everyone knows isn't true.

compuberty, n:
        The uncomfortable period of emotional and hormonal changes a
        computer experiences when the operating system is upgraded and
        a sun4 is put online sharing files.

Computer science:
        (1) A study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the
           precision of the former and the success of the latter.
        (2) The protracted value analysis of algorithms.
        (3) The costly enumeration of the obvious.
        (4) The boring art of coping with a large number of trivialities.
        (5) Tautology harnessed in the service of Man at the speed of light.
        (6) The Post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.

Computer, n.:
        An electronic entity which performs sequences of useful steps in a
        totally understandable, rigorously logical manner.  If you believe
        this, see me about a bridge I have for sale in Manhattan.

Concept, n.:
        Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
        $25,000.

Conference, n.:
        A special meeting in which the boss gathers subordinates to hear
        what they have to say, so long as it doesn't conflict with what
        he's already decided to do.

Confidant, confidante, n:
        One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided to himself by C.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Confirmed bachelor:
        A man who goes through life without a hitch.

Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
        Mathematician's Proof:
                3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  By induction, all
                odd numbers are prime.
        Physicist's Proof:
                3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is experimental
                error.  11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
        Engineer's Proof:
                3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is prime.
                11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
        Computer Scientists's Proof:
                3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime...

Connector Conspiracy, n:
        [probably came into prominence with the appearance of the KL-10,
        none of whose connectors match anything else] The tendency of
        manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of anything)
        to come up with new products which don't fit together with the old
        stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or expensive
        interface devices.