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A New Way of Taking Pills
        A physician one night in Wisconsin being disturbed by a burglar, and
having no ball or shot for his pistol, noiselessly loaded the weapon with
small, hard pills, and gave the intruder a "prescription" which he thinks
will go far towards curing the rascal of a very bad ailment.
                -- Nevada Morning Transcript, January 30, 1861

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
                -- Arthure "Bugs" Baer

A prominent broadcaster, on a big-game safari in Africa, was taken to a
watering hole where the life of the jungle could be observed. As he
looked down from his tree platform and described the scene into his
tape recorder, he saw two gnus grazing peacefully. So preoccupied were
they that they failed to observe the approach of a pride of lions led
by two magnificent specimens, obviously the leaders. The lions charged,
killed the gnus, and dragged them into the bushes where their feasting
could not be seen.  A little while later the two kings of the jungle
emerged and the radioman recorded on his tape: "Well, that's the end of
the gnus and here, once again, are the head lions."

"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.  The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon."
                -- Steel City News

A young girl once committed suicide because her mother refused her a new
bonnet.  Coroner's verdict: "Death from excessive spunk."
                -- Sacramento Daily Union, September 13, 1860

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
                -- Thomas Jefferson

After two or three weeks of this madness, you begin to feel As One with
the man who said, "No news is good news." In twenty-eight papers, only
the rarest kind of luck will turn up more than two or three articles of
any interest...  but even then the interest items are usually buried deep
around paragraph 16 on the jump (or "Cont.  on ...") page...

The Post will have a story about Muskie making a speech in Iowa.  The
Star will say the same thing, and the Journal will say nothing at all.
But the Times might have enough room on the jump page to include a line
or so that says something like: "When he finished his speech, Muskie
burst into tears and seized his campaign manager by the side of the neck.
They grappled briefly, but the struggle was kicked apart by an oriental
woman who seemed to be in control."

Now that's good journalism.  Totally objective; very active and straight
to the point.
                -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"

All newspaper editorial writers ever do is come down from the hills after
the battle is over and shoot the wounded.

An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
                -- Adlai Stevenson

"... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of
your own."
                -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words